Endless Cold
by Caramel-Buns
Summary: Just a short one shot Russia is left alone when his mind is in its most vulnerable state. Now left with only his thoughts and bittersweet memories, he's finally cracked under the overwhelming pressure of running a nation.


**A/N: Just a little side story before I update my current fic.**

It was cold. Everything here was cold. The curtains of the small office window were drawn tightly shut, casting a dull shadow throughout the overly packed work room. Papers and documents sealed away in thick envelopes littered the oak desk. The large Russian sat slumped over his most recent report, hands in his face. He had long since set his pen down for a rest, he couldn't bring himself to sign the final treaty. The final paper that would separate him from the last family he had left. Latvia, Estonia and Lithuania had all declared independence. There was nothing Ivan could do about it, he was sick and his economy was suffering so terribly at the moment. He didn't have the funds to support all three countries and himself. He had no choice but to sign it. But he couldn't. He just couldn't lift that damn pen and sigh his god forsaken name. It felt like if he signed it, his whole world would finally crash around him in utter despair.

The Baltics were the last family he had left. His sisters had left him long ago, even Gilbert, Prussiya, his Kaliningrad, had left him lonely and abandoned. Now the last people he depended on were also on their way out the door. Thats right, people, not countries. He could care less about country affairs at the moment. Right now he needed human comfort, human contact, human affection. The Baltics were like family to him. No more would joyous music echo throughout the halls of the large mansion. No more would delicious aromas waft from the kitchen. No laughter as they danced after a night of heavy drinking. The Russian briefly smiled to himself at the memories. Now all that would be left is the bittersweet taste of vodka and tears. It was already so lonely and the three Baltic nations had only just left. The silence was going to drive him mad. No, completely insane. He hated himself, he hated what he had become. What had he done wrong? Was he not a good host? Not a good boss? Not a good friend? He had never physically hurt the Baltics before. There was only one time when his mind couldn't bare the overwhelming pressure and he had snapped. Hard. And poor Lithuania had been the closest thing to him at the time. He shivered at the memory of gruesome scars running down the pale skin of his back. He could feel the bile rise in his throat and his eyes burn with unshed tears at the memory. He could never apologize enough to the Baltic nation. Aside from that, there had been no further incidents. He may seem a little creepy, a little different, a little weird. But it was all just his own way of showing compassion. He loved the Baltics as his own family. All the times he had been watching from afar was not to frighten them but just look out for their well being. It would kill him of something were to happen to them. It would kill him. Kill himself. Yes. That was the only option. The best option. No one wanted him around anyway. No body loved him. The world would be a better place if he were to just... disappear.

With a tremendous amount of will power, his gloved hand retrieved the pen and signed the last of the documents. He sealed them in an envelope and tucked it in the inside of his coat. They would find it when someone discovered his body. Feeling the most confident he had in years, Ivan opened a drawer on the side of the desk. Pulling out a small, shiny pistol, he stepped to the window. Pulling the curtains back slightly, he gazed upon the snow covered hills. It was too painful. It just felt like yesterday when they had all been playing without a care in the world on those same hills. Him, his sister, the Baltics, even Prussia. They had had a snowball fight, built snowmen and forts, then retired by the fire with steaming mugs of hot cocoa and a splash of vodka. The memory physically hurt his heart as he lifted the pistol and pressed it against his temple. The tears he had managed to hold in so well finally found the courage to leak past his waterline and cascade down his cheeks. With a final breath, a final goodbye, he pulled the trigger.

In the end everything was still cold. The snow, the mansion, the office. Even his lifeless body.

[ E N D ]


End file.
